Yesterday I uploaded my resume and started applying for jobs on Monster.com. After applying to over a dozen prestigious financial institutions I came to find that I wasn't sharing my resume with them, instead i uploaded my little sister's poem on kittens by mistake.

So my cousins and I crash in their basement after hookah and beers. They complain the night light is too bright and put a towel over it. We start smelling some smoke and think it's from our clothes and hookah. The smoke alarm goes off and my cousin, in a state of hysteria throws the smoke alarm into the refrigerator. How in the world could that help? Then the house alarm goes off. My cousin, thinking its another smoke alarm, starts waving a towel around like an idiot until we realize its the house alarm and they had put in the wrong password.

I shut down the computer so the Windows updates would install. When I tried to turn the computer back on it wouldn't work. I called the store I bought it from thinking maybe they could troubleshoot over phone. They had me unplug everything and try a few things but nothing helped. I also talked to a couple of friends but still couldn't get it working. I was resigned to the fact that I would have to take it in for repair, when out of the corner of my eye I saw that I had in fact been pressing the cd drive instead of the power button.

Today while doing paperwork I needed to do some calculations. The office phone and adding machine are right next to each other, and while turned away I started to punch numbers. Unfortunately the phone doesn't function the same way the adding machine does...

I just spent twenty minutes arguing with another developer about some strange quirk in PHP 5. He vehemently asserted that I was just doin' it wrong, but in the end...he realized that it was in face strange, conceded that I was right, and then signed off. The punchline - Not sure which is worse...the fact that I was right about something as dorky as the nuances of PHP 5...or the fact that I spent TWENTY MINUTES arguing about something as dorky as the nuances of PHP 5...srsly

The other day at work I was very busy, and pretty behind... I was asked by my co-worker to go to the other office. Why? Just so I could show them how to create a new folder.

So my cousin was trying to get her license. She has driven for about 2 years but wanted to refresh her memory and get more experience. I was sitting in the back seat. My uncle was showing her the gear system. So my uncle goes, Take it for a ride.. She revs the engine while the gear is on "P". My uncle goes, wtf are you doing ? She goes, Driving. He tells her to let go off the accelerator. He goes, What's "P" stand for. She answered, "PROCEED". "R" for "REST" . This one was the best, "D" for "DEVELOPED"

With HIPAA regulations in full force, this hospital IT technician reminds users that when they print reports containing patient information, those reports can't be left in the printer tray. "They must be either secured under lock and key or shredded," he says.
But one user has a problem: "I don't always have time to pick up my reports from the printer. Is there any way I can set up my PC so I can send my documents directly to the shredder?"

Overheard in a computer shop:
Customer: “I'd like a mouse mat, please.”
Salesperson: “Certainly sir, we've got a large variety.”
Customer: “But will they be compatible with my computer?”

I wanted to buy a CD player, but was completely perplexed by one model's promotional sign. So I called the sales clerk over and asked, "What does 'hybrid pulse D/A converter' mean?"
He said, "That means that this machine will read the digital information that is encoded on CDs and convert it into an audio signal."
"In other words," I said, "this CD player plays CDs."
"Exactly."